What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 09:14
I was 9 years of age.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why does he text me first but when I never text first he gets mad?
I was very sick at this time too.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
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Put me off passion for life!!
I have no regrets .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why is there a lack of affordable housing in the USA despite a surplus of empty homes?
She found it foreign!.
But it wasn’t much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why do I want to be caught sucking dick by my wife?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
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He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I couldn’t, believe it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I don,t even have a pension.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Do flat Earthers really exist? Why do they believe the Earth is flat?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
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And i lived it daily.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I write beautiful poetry .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She married twice! .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
All the time i was locked up.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I waited trembling.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
This is soul school!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We were not on the streets..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She loved him until the end.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It was going to be , some day.
Im still living with it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So, i spoilt her more .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Who then, do I blame.?
So whats the point in blame.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Would this be the day?
My life is so biszare .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I said to her
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She wouldn,t have been !
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But, we were locked up after school.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was seconnd youngest,
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I could never make a relationship work though!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i do to all so called friends.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was in good health!
We all went to grammer schools
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I will be 64.
He knew the spot.
I was scared of men, in general
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
When she asked me how she looked .
Ive learnt so much.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
What did i know ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Comes on , in middle age.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I think the readers, may guess!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
My family never makes their pension either.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
(And it was in our own minds.)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .